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| i first stumbled upon final fantasy VII when i was in fifth grade. the game took me by storm; i was entranced by the awesome graphics, the stunning music, and the brilliant gameplay. when i saw the demo for final fantasy VIII in 6th grade, i knew i had to get it.
final fantasy VIII was an even bigger shocker; the graphics were much more improved, the gameplay so different, yet so fun. i was in love with the storyline, and every minute of that game was spent with my mouth hanging wide open with happiness.
i first heard of final fantasy IX when i went to taiwan the summer after 7th grade. i obtained a bootleg copy there, and even though it was in japanese, i had to get it just because it was the latest final fantasy, and i couldnt miss out. i got the game when it came out in the states, and i couldnt believe that the latest iteration looked nothing like the previous one. the graphics were, of course, better every time, but what made me love the game was its return to the previous final fantasy titles' elements, such as the use of moogles and whatnot. the game was, like all of them, extremely fun and enjoyable to play, and the extra material in the game made it pretty addicting.
my next final fantasy was, surprisingly, final fantasy X-2 and not final fantasy X. many years have passed, and i was in the 11th grade. i didnt get final fantasy X before because i didnt have a ps2. but anyway, i already knew mostly everything about final fantasy X, and, honestly, yuna looked hot in ffX-2. so, i got it, and words failed me. the gameplay was nothing like all the other ff's; it was extremely nonlinear, and all the gameplay elements were new to me. i spent hours dedicated to that game, sacrificing time to study and do homework. i beat it and immediately bought final fantasy X.
i never imagined i would play two final fantasy's within one academic year, and they were the sole reason why my junior year in high school was a failure. final fantasy X made me more addicted to final fantasy more than ever, because it answered every question i had when i played X-2. the game was extremely linear, but it had one of the most complex plots ever, drawing me deeper and deeper with every minute my ps2 was on. it was fun as fuck.
years passed. i am now a junior in college. i fired up final fantasy XII for the first time during the first week of january, 2008. 2 months later, i am currently 72 hours in, and still many more from finishing. what can i say? stunning graphics and amazing gameplay come to mind, but strangely enough, i feel something is missing. its much different playing final fantasy now than when i was younger. i assume that because of my personal life experiences, i dont tend to fall in love, so to speak, with the game as much as i would have been. this is not to say that i don't love the game, dont get me wrong. there is an attachment missing with XII, and i blame that on me being 20, nearly 21. regardless, XII serves as a great getaway into my final fantasy world, and it satisfies all my cravings.
actually, who the fuck am i kidding? i stalked XII since junior year in high school. i recall that i wrote an xanga entry at the wee hours of the morning expressing my love for the series. XII's worlds are so vast, so huge, that i could spend hours and hours exploring every little detail. the scenery in the game is astonishing, and the detail is so fine. i wanted XII back then to explore to my heart's delight, and despite the four years that have passed since then, that aspect hasnt changed. the worlds in XII are gorgeous, the exploration tremendous, and the scenery's beauty are unmatched by any previous final fantasy's. fuck what i said, final fantasy XII is probably one of the best i've played.
every final fantasy has its ups and downs, and i tend to look only at the ups. each game is always amazing and addicting whenever i play it for the first time, and the replay value is high too. i could spend hours replaying every one of them (VII on). i didn't play XI because it was an MMORPG, and i don't play those. regardless, i have the entire soundtrack for it, and i know that if i ever get into XI, i'll be a dead man. the exploration in that game is probably the most, and the interactions with other players would prove to be an interesting experience. i hope i never get into it, for the sake of my life and future haha.
why does final fantasy mean so much to me? i'm not sure. the fact that i can write about it already means something. this game has been a part of my life since i was 10 years old. for 11 years, i have been playing final fantasy. the series has shaped and molded me into who i am now, and if it wasnt for final fantasy, i wouldnt have my one greatest means of escape. the music from the games, plus numerous others spun-off from final fantasy, have also been my number one choice of music for years. i know that something is wrong with me, rather, that final fantasy means so much to me, when i can listen to a song and feel such strong emotions and feelings, mostly nostalgia for the past when i was playing each game for the first time. also, it brings back memories of memorable events in each game, and the music helps me get away when i'm not playing and invoke within me calm feelings and make me be at peace with myself.
i really love final fantasy. i might be crazy, and no one will probably understand why, but that's okay. i play it for myself, to make me feel whole and complete. it cheers me up, it teaches me, it consumes me. i get sucked in every time, and even though i'm almost 21, i'm still a complete sucker for it. and that's okay. at least now, i'm more responsible and manage my time better. i love final fantasy. nothing can ever change that.
final fantasy helped me become who i am now. as sad as that sounds, it's pretty much true, and i don't regret any of it.
this is the entry from junior year in high school. four years have pased. four fucking years.
| This is a long entry about the reason why I play Final Fantasy games.
Sure, gameplay, plot, character design, music, graphics, all those
come into play, but really, I am into the environment, the world, the
availablitity to explore and discover areas and locations.
Basic message: to lose myself within this Fantasy world, to escape
from harsh reality, to find a place where I immense myself and enjoy.
starting from FF7, for obvious reasons due to its technological
impact on the gaming world, I played FF7 when i was a kid, 5th grader
back in the day. The game was fun. It still is. It is incredibly fun.
But, it is quite lacking in the beauty and finesse of a fantastical
world. Sure, Midgar and Cosmo Canyon, coupled with Temple of the
Ancients, Nibelheim, all these are wondeful areas.
But can they really compare with the worlds of FF8? Take a look at
Timber, at Deling City, at Esthar. These are much larger locations,
allowing me to run around aimlessly and bask in the fantasy. Esthar, in
particular, is my all time favorite due to its futuristic setting and
the beauty of such an impressive. I was in love with Fishermans'
Horizon because of the nostalgia and the sadness such a place conveyed.
FF9 was decent in its environment and world. Lindblum was quite
vast, the chocobo worlds were interesting, Alexandria something quite
differeing. Terra, all these places are a nice escape from reality. But
can they compare with FFX? and FFX-2? Which are basically the same
areas anyway.
FFX series have Besaid Island, along with what i think is the best
song for a town, place, whatever. Miihen Highroad, while running down
like an idiot, is long, long, and a wonderful place to look at the
scenery. Luca is quite nice, although the city could be bigger for
exploration purposes. The walk from Gagazet to Zanarkand is amazing,
looking at the ruins and reflecting the past. I rarely used the Celsius
while playing FFX2 because i wanted to walk Spira, to fully immense
myself in its fantasy world. Goin to Bevelle, however, I was sad at the
background image from the Highbridge of the places below, by the water,
that I can never visit such areas and become familiar with the vastness
of Spira that I do not know of.
This, obviuosly, can be remedied with FFXI, but lets not go there. The money and the shit, yea.
FFXII, however, seems like the response to my problems. Sure, every
other FF was good and I enjoyed playing each and every one of them.
Sure, I lost myself in every FF, playing hours and hours and hours.
Sure, the music and the gameplay and the graphics, storyline, ploy,
characters, etc drew me in.
Can they compare with this?!
[pic gone]
look at this fucking world. it looks fucking real. Judging from this
picture, it seems like the explorer's heaven. Look at the streets. Is
it possible to walk them all? Can I really just spend hours and hours
walking and basking in this fantasical world? Am i to be satisfied in
this manner?
[pic gone again]
Look at this background. The body of water seems quite large and the
mountains, rocks whatever it is looks vast. This seems to be my answer.
[oh well]
Stunning. Absolutely stunning. My hopes for a dream FF is starting
to look positive, and hopefully when this game comes out I can totally
escape and forget that I even survive, living on this fucking mess as
planet Earth.
I cant wait for that day. FFXII, you are my hope.
===================
edit:
i have seen pictures and read about the ffx international and the ffx-2 international and last mission.
i want to cry.
actually, i am crying. i think its the lack of sleep, and the sad pearl harbor song jenni sent me, but yea. im crying.
i guess its because i know ill never get to fully experience ffx and
ffx-2 without these international versions and the new materials in
them, not to mention the new videos. omg...
i need serious help. someone, please, get me out of this ff craze. this obsession. its EATING me alive. |
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| i haven't written anything like this in forever. i don't know why i have this sudden motivation, but it feels pretty good to sit down and recollect myself. i'll make it public as well for the occasional straggler who ventures here on accident.
so far it's june 25, 2007. my life is flying by, and my summer is already halfway done. it's been extremely up and down, and work occupies me throughout the week. i resumed working out again and can see huge improvements. having an internship makes me feel like i am doing something with my life, and my grades were the best last semester. things are definitely shaping up and i feel like i can tackle on junior year with no problems, no regrets.
i sit with some friends and we're astonished that we're going to be juniors in college soon. i can seriously remember with great detail when i was going to be a junior in high school. this was four years ago. now, my sister is entering junior year. i am already halfway done with college. what's in store for me in the next four years?
my parents and my sister are in taiwan/asia right now, leaving me home alone for almost two weeks. granted, being home alone is great, but surprisingly it's kinda lonely with just me and my cat. i had some friends over for a night and it was really fun, but still in the end i am left bored, lonely, and unmotivated. but i know that when my mom and sister come back my 'freedom' will be gone and i'll be back to hearing my mom nag about the smallest, stupidest things. ah, the good stuff. some things never change, eh.
so yes, i'm at work writing a xanga entry. surprisingly enough, we don't have restrictions. i guess here they don't really expect people to be doing stuff like this anyhow, given that mostly everyone here is an old researcher or something. anyway, i came to work a bit earlier today, and i was wondering how come my boss hadn't come in an hour or so. turns out, according to our secretary, his father just passed away, and he was the one to find him. upon hearing this, i was like 'oh shit...' and i didn't know what to think. my boss even came in for an hour, left me some notes and things-to-do, some phone numbers, and left. wow...
once again, another instance like this to take your breath away and make you think. my own father was there when his own passed away, and my boss went through the same thing. obviously, i'm not going to think about the future and what i'm going to experience, but i'm going to focus on what my boss said to us. he didn't want us to grieve, or send flowers and cards, but rather he simply wanted us to go back home and hug a loved one. continue loving the people we love. never take people for granted; unfortunate situations always happen when one least expects it.
i'm sitting here at my desk with a renewed respect and love for life. we have so much to live, so much to go and strive for. the fun and beauty of life is living and not knowing what to expect. i don't know what to expect from the future, but i can guide myself in the right direction. my judgment and decision-making is to the point where i feel like i have some control. people may jest, surely, but i guess in the end we're all human and subject to the random doings of nature and bad luck. it's how we recover and move on that shows worth and strength. these are some things i need to work on, but i can only do so by living and experiencing.
i'll go home today and give whisky some good pampering. no one's at home, jen's in china, but whisky is always at home. pets and animals are all the same as people too. we love and care for them deeply, and whisky has been part of my life for eleven years. more than half of my life was spent with my cat. wow...
let's all go back home and hug a loved one. it's the least we can do, right?
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| How much of our past do we remember?
Do we remember all the good things as well as we'd like to?
Do we remember even the bad things that occurred to us?
Is it even truly possible to remember every little minute detail? As much as I would like to remember, I just simply can't.
I remember a lot of my childhood, my middle school ages, my highschool years.
I like to think about all the places I've been to, all the people I have seen, little things that help to shape me into who I am today.
I sit here at Pittsburgh now, a sophomore, and I feel so old.
My youth is essentially gone. I am almost halfway done with college.
Remember the time when we went to Churchill orientation?
Remember high school orientation? Occasionally, I get random thoughts, usually when I'm sitting around bored or even during class.
Sudden epiphanies remind me of a lot of past experiences, especially those of me going out to visit beautiful places. I would get a bit sad and nostalgic as I remember all the scenery and images vividly in my mind. It's like I'm reliving all the wonderful times I had in my past. I really miss a lot of things, but I get the satisfaction of knowing that the future has yet to come.
Sure, things back then were great and wonderful, but look at what's ahead.
I actually have no idea what is ahead of me, and such is life.
Such is what I appreciate about life.
I love knowing the fact that I write my future by the day, and that I have the power to create new and more exciting memories.
There are definitely a lot more places to see, a lot new friends to make, for example. Of course, life presents me with a lot of challenges. Battling my inner conflicts, dealing with everyday problems, stress from classes and schoolwork, but I get through each okay.
Each hardship only makes me more stronger inside, mentally and physically (depending on the situation).
All this results in one simple conclusion: I like living life.
Sure, there are many things I do that I kind of regret, and a lot of what I do may not truly be commendable or whatnot.
Still, I love living life. It's what makes each day kinda fun. | | |
| wow you guys are mean pretty much no one even comes here anymore. what do i have to do to lure people back? should i just call this xanga dead? not yet! fighting! currently addicted to: pepsi wild cherry, arizona green tea, jay chou's new album sorry. i have absolutely really no updates so bye :D | | |
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